Dangerous Kitchen: A Coolio Cookbook

I was browsing cookbooks on Amazon this week when I found what has to be THE funniest cookbook in the entire world: Cooking With Coolio-- 5 Star Meals at 1 Star Prices.  I was literally in shock that this exists.  What was even funnier is the fact that Amazon recommends that you purchase this cookbook with the Gangsta Rap Coloring Book.   Clearly Amazon knows that this cookbook is not to be taken seriously.   What else could I do but open up my itunes, put on Gangsta's Paradise and peruse the contents available on amazon?

The Table of Contents is a true delight.  Categories like the Ten Cool-mandments, It's Hard Out Here For A Shrimp, and Pimpclusion really get the reader ready for the unbelievable experience that is this cookbook.  I know I'm getting old, but isn't it safe to assume that slang used over 10 years ago is probably no longer cool.  Instead of 3 references to "pimp" anything, maybe he should have gone with the more popular  "swag".  For example: "no one in the kitchen has swagger like us".  Okay, maybe I am not the authority on cool, but the pimp stuff just sounded so dated even though the cookbook was published in 2009. 

Next up are Coolio's cooking credentials.  He mentions the fact that he sold more than 27 million records.  See Youtube Clip Above.  I'm not sure how those record sales relate to his ability to cook, but you know, he has a cookbook and I don't.  In addition to those records he has a catering company and a website that contains videos of Coolio doing his thing in the Kitchen!

The most cringeworthy part of this cookbook has to be the vocabulary guide.   Coolio is so cool that he doesn't have to use the standard units of measurement. No, no he institutes his own system.  Groundbreaking.   He simply assigns the standard measurements new nicknames that are easy enough for anyone with a drug addiction to remember: a dime bag and nickel bag. Classy.  

In the normal world 1 tablespoon = 3 teaspoons.

In Coolio's world: 

1 dime bag = 1 tablespoon

1 nickel bag= 1/2 tablespoon

I tried to apply this conversion chart to one of my recipes to no avail. First, I wouldn't be a lawyer if I could do math.  Second, there are many more measurements outside of tablespoon, say for instance a cup. What would the drug equivalent be-- a brick?

 I can't really go into detail about the recipes or whether or not the man can actually cook because I will only purchase this book for a holiday office gift exchange.  Can you imagine the look of horror and/or embarrassment at being delighted to open such a gift?!? Anyway, the recipe names seem interesting: A  Strawberry Fields Forever Muffins (sounds promising), Mariah Carey Casserole (wonder if this before or after she had that breakdown) and my favorite Bro-ghetti!

In summation, this was a hilarious find.  I probably won't ever buy it or take cooking tips from Coolio, but I will forever hold dear in my heart the theme song from Dangerous Minds.